Friday, December 10, 2010

December's Challenge - Day 10

Something you are afraid of -


I guess it is all in how you look at it.  I am not afraid of failing a task, because all growing up it was never drilled into my head that it is not okay to fail.  It was drilled into our heads to do our best.  I had always tried my best and up until my junior year of college I never failed anything.  Then I failed my first exam.  I was crushed.  It was not the failure itself it was the disappointment that I would be facing when I told my parents.  Yes I was a junior in college, I wasn't even living at home anymore, but it was still a hard blow to face. 

Now it has gotten to a whole different level.  I am afraid that I am going to mess up my children somehow.  I am now afraid to fail as a mother.  I am afraid to fail as a wife and not be the Proverbs 31 wife that I want to be.  I am afraid to fail as a business owner, if I fail at that I have to get a job and that would be the last nail in the coffin for me. 

This is something that I deal with usually on my own.  I know logically that fear it false evidence appearing real, but it gets me sometimes. 

Lately I am glad to say that I have this fear in check.  How you may be asking ... I relay on God.  I give it to Him.  I pray that He will help me be the best woman, mother, business owner and child of God every day.  That He works through me.  This way I am sort of answering to someone else.  Sure I take full responsibility for my own actions, but I am less likely to beat myself over one day's failures because I know that God is helping me along my path. 

For example, Day 9's post was not posted yesterday.  I posted it today.  That is a failure as a blogger, and I may have let some people down.  If I did, I am sorry.  Yesterday, I was using the laptop that has none of our pictures on it and I needed to post a picture.  Instead of switching computers I just let it wait until today.  Yesterday I was much to comfortable laying on the couch with my blanket and box of tissues.  It was all too much work for me yesterday, now I am not going to beat myself up over this little failure.  I owned it an I moved on from it.  Today, I am back on track still feeling under the weather, but a little better than yesterday.  Now, I better move onto dinner or I will be a failure of a wife and mother.

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