Toddler Tuesday: Story Time

I do believe that listening and sass are going to be the never ending battle in our house.  I have worked out a reward system that we are going to try soon.  I will post about it on an upcoming Toddler Tuesday.

We experienced something special last weekend.  Barnes and Noble has story time on Thursday and Saturday mornings.  I was looking for some free activities to do over the weekends.  It was on a website that Clifford the Big Red dog was going to be at Story Time.  So of course we had to go!

Oh and Kaitlyn sat there quietly and listened to the whole story!  I guess it really helps that we read ALL the time!

Toddler Twosday

Name Change! 

I am going to not speak "terrible" over my children any longer.  There is power of life and death in the tongue.  "Terrible" Twosday is being changed to Toddler Twosday.  Besides then when I have 2 toddlers, both of which will not be 2 I can still keep the same topic!  This way I can, and you can, talk about the wonderful things that are going on in our toddlers lives, not just the not so wonderful things. 

Like I have said before, I am not dealing with a terrible case of "terrible" twos anyway, so I feel a little bad talking like I have it so bad when there are moms out there that have it way worse. 

So ... what is going on with your toddlers?  

Ours - her imagination is taking flight.  The other night there was a dragon living under our couch.  It is not odd for her to come running to me and saying "Oh the elephant!"  There is an imaginary elephant that frequents our house.  Or "roar" at me and tell me the lion is going to get me.  

Her love for painting and drawing.  As I am typing this she is painting.  She told me that the painting is of Mommy and Daddy's house.  Lately she is drawing faces.  She is adding facial features and telling us they are certain members of the family.  

She is an amazing little being.  We love her so much and are blessed to be her parents.  

Terrible Twosday: Zero Tolerance

Well it is here again, and I will let you in on a secret.  I am actually getting to write this early, so it was nice and ready to post today.

We have learned that little miss likes to test her boundaries.  What do we say she can't do, but let her do anyway?   How many times do we say no before we give in?  What are major offences that will not be tolerated?  Or will they be tolerated if I do it this way?

Major offence - pushing

I have a zero tolerance policy on pushing.  If I see it, or hear her do it.  It is an immediate time-out.

Major offence - biting

She has yet to do more than scrap teeth on skin, or legs and in most cases I think she is playing.  Still, even if she is play biting - I feel teeth of any kind and it is an immediate time out.  This one is hard for her because her brother bites all the time, he is teething and he is told to not bite.  So that is a hard one for her.

Major offence - screaming

This one still gets a warning, but 2nd offense is immediate time-out.

It seems that the zero tolerance policy is working.  It hasn't stopped the behavior completely, yet.  However, when she gets a time out for it - it has been stopping it for most of that day.

Now if we could just get going #2 in the potty to work better.

Share your Terrible Two's stories with me.  I can't be the only one going through this.

Terrible Twosday: Listening

Text from me:  "We will not be meeting you at the zoo.  We are not rewarding this behavior." Time Stamp: 7:14 am, 

My early risers have been rising extra early for over a week now.  I am talking 5am, and not just the baby to eat.  Both of them.  They are tired which will always exaggerate their bad behavior.  There have been plenty of mornings when I am putting Little Man down for his nap and I am making Little Miss take some bedroom quiet time.  In fact it is 12:30 while I am typing this and they have both been in bed for 45 minutes already.  Maybe Mommy should be taking a nap.  So yes, it has been one of those days again today. 

This is what we are dealing with:

• Not listening
• Sassing back by either letting some sort of yell or saying "NO"
• Pressing the limits

In my logical, psychologically trained brain I am saying this to myself:  She is where she should be with her development, all 2 1/2 year old children are going through these same phases.  It could be much worse than it is. 

Then my parenting brain kicks in and I am saying to myself: If I don't do something about this she is never going to listen to me.  She will have no respect for authority and she will be a teenager running around doing God knows what. 

Then I take a deep breathe and pray.  I thank God for letting me be her Mommy.  I thank God for blessing me with children at all (tomorrow's post about PCOS).  I then am reminded of Proverbs 22:6 "Train your child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will depart from it." 

I know I need to 'nip this in the bud' as they say.  I know I need to be consistent with punishments for not listening and sassing back.  Oh and the mommy guilt that gets me when I put her in her room!  Time outs are not working, the whole 1 minute for every year of life idea.  It's just not working.  She screams for 3 minutes and then does the exact same behavior.  Making her sit in her room that seems to be working, sometimes. 


What works for you?  

I am looking for some sort of reward/consequence system.  I am thinking something we can transition into allowances when the time comes. 

Terrible Twosday: Fear

It is interesting how much our little ones change from year to year, from season to season.

Last year (literally it was our Memorial Day picnic) I was so excited because we had purchased a ball that was also a sprinkler.  Kaitlyn loved it ... until we added the water.  She felt so betrayed.  Well later that summer she started to splash around a splash park and had gone swimming a few times.  By the end of the summer she was no longer afraid of the water.

This year we were interested to see how the introduction to water from a sprinkler went.  She hates the shower and doesn't care for her face to get wet so this was going to be interesting.

After coaxing her in she was hooked.  Well standing on one side of the sprinkler she was.

We tried to get her cousin to show her how to walk over it.  We tried walking over it with her.  There was no getting her to go over the sprinkler.  You could pick her up and swing her through the water, but there was no running or jumping (except to splash in the puddle).  Then we realized the fear.  It wasn't really a fear, just something not being communicated well.  She does not have the leg span or the jumping ability to get over the sprinkler.  She didn't know how to tell us, and we were taking our good nature time to figure it out.  

She had a blast even though we forgot her suit. 

Throughout this stage of Little Miss's development we have come to the conclusion - communication is the root of terrible two's.

What are you dealing with with your Two's?  Share and be encouraged.

Terrible Twosday

Sorry I missed last week's Terrible Twosday post.  We were dealing with a fever and just general sickness.

So what sort of terrible two's have you been dealing with?  

Little Miss has been sporting a rather defiant attitude over the last few weeks.  She is definitely testing her limits.  Which means we have had to step up the timeouts.  If this continues though we might be instituting more of a preschool type discipline where they get green, yellow and red cards because of behavior.

What are some of your discipline tactics?

Terrible Twosday: Independence

Independence might be my most hated part of "Terrible Two's".  Not for the reasons some think. 

I am fine with independence when:

• She wants to wear a dress when it's really a pants day.  That's what leggings are for.
• She wants to stay in jammies all day - hey we are not going anywhere, that's fine.
• She wants to get herself dressed - she will ask for help when she gets frustrated.
• "Mine do" is not a statement that makes me sad or cringe.  

I am okay with her slowly growing up.  Yes, there are times that the "she's growing up so fast" hits me and makes me long for the times when she was completely dependent on me.  I like it that she wants to do things for herself and wants to try things.

She's two so she will test the rules.  Testing the rules is part of gaining independence.  There are times the natural consequence is enough of a teacher.

One of the rules is that you do not throw your toys.  This typically will get a warning and then a timeout.  However, today not so much. 

After lunch it is story time.  When stories are over it is naptime.  Well, after 3 warnings to sit down and listen I gave up on the story and said ...

"Grab the doll you are sleeping with and your blankie.  It's naptime."  

She gets her Disney Princess Baby Belle comes over to me and throws it at me to take it upstairs for her.  Bam! That doll hits her poor little brother right in the head.  

 "KAITLYN" 

Alex starts screaming.  This in turn makes Kaitlyn start crying.  

I get everyone basically calmed down ...

"Mommy, Alex sad." 

"Why is Alex sad?" 

Between tears she gets out "I throwed her.  Her hit Alex."   

"Is that a good or bad thing to do?" 

"Bad.  Sorry Alex."  

Natural consequences are sometimes the best teacher -- just like you don't stand on balls.  (Yep, that is what we learned on Saturday.

Oh independence we have a love/hate relationship now.

Terrible Twosday - Glimpse of the Teens

Notice how it is 8:45 and I am just getting around to posting Terrible Twosday today.  That would be because these bad boys hit with a vengeance today. 

It happens to also be the 2nd Tuesday of the month and I started going to a Mom's group at our church.  Kaitlyn was having so much fun that she did not want to leave (a bad behavior trigger).  She kept running away from me while we were trying to leave.  (All the moms were also leaving at the same time.)  I finally get her to leave - I asked her if she wanted to watch Yo Gabba Gabba after nap today.  She said "Yeah!" I then said, "If I have to come and pick you up you are not going to get to watch it."  She came right away.  Looks like I have found a currency.

We leave (the room the moms group is in) and head toward the car.  Kaitlyn takes off running and I tell her to stop as she was nearing the end of the sidewalk and into the parking lot.  She just kept going.  Now, there were no driving cars around because we were all on our ways to our cars; however, this behavior is not allowed.  It only got worse though.  I caught up to her and told her she needed to hold hands and she took off running again.  All of a sudden we are playing catch me.  I set Alex down and go grab her.  "Young lady you have just lost all TV this afternoon, and you are sitting in time out when we get home.  This is not acceptable."  All the way home, "No Time Out!"  We got home she went into time out. 

This was one of those situations where I had to stick to my guns.  After time out I asked her why was she sitting in time out.  "Run by cars." I then asked her "Is that good or bad?"  She said, "It's bad."  At least she understands what is going on.

Ahh ... Twos ... they are a blessing, they are a blessing. 

{BONUS LAUGH}
After picking up hubs from work, we get home and are getting out of the car.  I am talking to him about something and to quote Kaitlyn. "Mom, stop talking."  I just got a glimpse of my daughter at 13!

Terrible Twosday

After last week two men in my life (Hubs and Brother) suggested that my this segment should be spelled "t-w-o-s-day" instead of how I had it.  So, there you go guys ... Terrible Twosday.

I have a concern about continuing with Terrible Twosday - I really hope that moms who read these posts do not think I know it all when it comes to Terrible Twos.  I don't by any means.  I am sure I will learn even more when Alex goes through them.  In fact, I will put it out there that the terrible twos I deal with are nothing in comparison to some.  It is my hope that with these weekly posts I am encouraging you as a mom and uplifting as you venture through the "terrible twos".  If you are a mom that has not hit the terrible two's yet, I am hoping that some of these tips help you along the way.

Onto Twoday's installment is going to be a little different, mainly because not much has happened over the last 7 days.  It could be because I am trying to pinpoint triggers (something that will set off an episode)

Here are the triggers I have found for Little Miss:

1. Just waking up from nap.
2. Having to stop something that is fun.
3. Leaving somewhere other than home.
4. Bedtime when nap went too long.
5. Being told no.
6. 4pm to 5pm.
7. Not getting what she wants.
8. Being woke up early.

We have tried many things to combat the triggers causing full blown meltdowns.  Most times there is just no way around this.  We try to help her work through this the best we can, but we also stick to our guns when we have to.  

To a recent trip to Target Kaitlyn wanted to look at the toys.  Seeing that she had been being good she was able to get out of the cart and look at the toys.  When it was time to leave she was told to come with us.  She crossed her arms and just stood there in the aisle.  I picked her up and put her in the cart resulting in screaming.  Keith looked at her and told her, "You didn't do what Mommy asked you to do.  Now you need to sit there.  If you stop crying and calm down you will be able to get out.  But you have to calm down first."  She finally calmed down and decided to listen again.  She would much rather walk than ride.

One of our more recent bedtime meltdowns happened because I was not feeling well and we did not go to church on Sunday.  At bedtime Kaitlyn is just crying.  I go up and talk to her to find out what is wrong.  She wanted to play.  I told her it was bedtime and we can play tomorrow.  She then said, "Zoe" sob "cars" breath "Mommy play too."  Okay, so knowing Kaitlyn she wanted to go to church - where she plays with Zoe and cars.  I told her we could not go to church tomorrow, but I would call Zoe's mommy and we would set up a time to play.  That didn't stop the crying though.  Then I said to her, "Kaitlyn, Zoe is in bed so you can't play with her right now."  "Zoe bed too?" "Yes honey."  "Play tomorrow?" "Yes, we will play tomorrow."  

How do you/did you make it through this wonderful time in your toddler's life?

Diet Pepsi in a wine glass ... that is how I roll.  

The Bribe

Welcome to Terrible Two Tuesday!  I hope you are having a great tantrum free week.  Here at the Hickman house we are going onto day three of tears before any sort of sleeping time.  As the lets-nip-this-in-the-bud mom I try to be I did a quick "terrible two" swagbucks search.

I found this interesting article.

Now I only got to step one before the idea for this post hit me.  The Bribe.  The article explains that as parents of toddlers we are feeding the tantrum by bribing our children and in the long run doing more harm than good.

Here is why this stuck out to me.

Two Sunday's ago my husband subbed for our friend's pitcher on their softball team.  Just so happened another friend of ours was also there with her fiance, also subbing.  We get everyone settled and Kaitlyn notices the play area and wants to go play right now.  Just saying no would cause a tantrum for some parents.  It started too for me.  My answer was, "If you are good while we watch Daddy play softball then we can play after."  Our friend's fiance (who is also our friend) said, "Oh the bribing begins." I chuckled and said, "Not really, just rewarding."

The game goes on and Kaitlyn is being really good.  Playing with the dirt and rocks, picking them up, moving them around, saying "Big One, Little One" and counting the rocks she finds.  Then it happens, a rock goes flying from Kaitlyn's hand.  Now she didn't throw it at anything and no one was close by even.  I stopped her and reminded her that if she wants to play she had to be good until Daddy was done.  I specifically told her, "If you throw a rock again we will not be playing when the game is over."  Testing the limits, there goes another rock.  I told her, "Do not throw rocks, and we are not playing when Daddy is done."  Oh the tears started and sobs for "play" started.  I explained to her she didn't listen to Mommy and so you don't get to play.  The "I need Daddy"'s started.  I then said, "You can ask Daddy when he is done, but I will tell him what happened."  This stopped the tears.  In her mind she still had a chance to play so she would stop crying  - yes, I wanted the tears and impending meltdown to stop for the rest of the game.

This all happened while Keith was pitching the last out.  She was so close to getting to go play.  Keith comes out, and picks her up.  She asks to go play.  Before he can open his mouth to say, "in a minute," I tell him that we are not playing tonight and why.  We pack everything up, pick up a sobbing Kaitlyn and head off to the car.  We go home and by the time we get home the crying ceased and life went on as usual.

So my question - from reading this article and my friend's comment - was I bribing Kaitlyn to behave?  I honestly don't think I was.  Kaitlyn wanted to play.  In order to play she needed to behave.  If she did not behave she did not play.  I was giving my 2 year old a choice - behave or don't behave.  She was going to get rewarded for the good choice.  Now had she still gotten to play with not listening to Mommy all we would have been teaching is that you can do whatever you want and still get what you want.

The thing I had to get pass, and get pass quickly, was the thought process "what are people going to think of me if my kid is having a meltdown in public?"  It is better for my child (and any child) to stick to our guns.  They will be better off in the long run.  It is not easy to listen to a crying child, but the crying will stop, eventually.  It is important to stick to your guns.  

"Terrible" Two's Tuesday

Oh she has been showing us this week that she is 2.  Saturday and Sunday they both got so off schedule I think that is what is really playing a factor here yesterday and today.  However, they are both sleeping at the same time and that is always a good day for Mommy.

One of the things that will cause a 2 year old meltdown almost every single time ... having to leave some place where they are having TONS OF FUN!

This is what happened on Saturday.

Keith and I decided that we were going to do something different and take Kaitlyn to the local children's museum.  She had so much fun.  They had a huge ball area, sand table, and water table.  They even have an infant area, so Alex did get to play some too. 

We gave her a warning that we were going to leave when we were done playing in the grocery store.  When we were done we told her again it was time to leave.  She was fine until we actually walked out of the museum.  We explained to her that we understand that she was having fun, but we had to go home because it was lunch time.  We let her be sad and told her that we would come back another time.

She has seen the pictures we took at the museum and asked to go play.  I told her that we could not go and she started to meltdown.  I explained that we can only go there when Daddy can go with us.  She was still pretty upset that we could not go.  I told her that it is okay to be sad that she is not getting to do what she wants to do, but if she wants to cry about it she had to sit on the couch until she was done crying.  She went and sat on the couch for maybe two minutes and asked to get down.  I said, you can get down if you are done crying.  She got down and went about playing.

I am glad that she had fun and it was well worth the $20 we spent.  We might even consider getting a year membership she liked it so much.

"Terrible" Two's Tuesday

I am considering making a weekly installment.  Terrible Two's Tuesday.  Here I will let you in on something or things that have happened over the last week that would fall into the "Terrible Two's" category.  I have a two year old and I hate the phrase "Terrible Two's"' however, it is the best way to describe what is going on sometimes.  

"Terrible Two's" is a result of frustration.  In the two year old's head he or she is trying to communicate something to you - and it is not working.  They get frustrated you are not understanding what they need and you get frustrated that you can't figure out what they need.  It could also come out in frustration when they want to do something for themselves and they can't quite get it.  This causes them great frustration because they want to be independent and it causes you frustration because they will not let you help them with what they need.  

Now before I get all the messages - I am not saying Kaitlyn is terrible.  In fact, my little girl is far from terrible.  Quite honestly, two's have not been all that bad.  I would even venture to call them terrific twos, because my 2 year old is just being 2. She has her good days which far out weigh her bad days.  She is a ham and a half with an amazing personality.  Terrible is not a word I would use to describe her at all.  

When someone says, "Oh looks like Terrible Two's."  It takes everything in my power and then the power of God to keep me from socking them in the face!  Okay I am not speaking literally, but I seriously want to give that person a tongue lashing!  How dare you speak that my child or any child is being terrible?  Have you ever looked at yourself when you are at the end of your rope and your patience is just fried?  That is what is happening here.  

So here is what happened today - sparking this idea.  Let me set the scene for you.  We just got home from running errands, I made lunch for all of us.  Kaitlyn is sitting at her princess table.  I am on the couch feeding the Alex.  Kaitlyn looks at me and this conversation begins.

Kaitlyn: "Tay yer"

Me: "What honey?"

Kaitlyn: "Tay yer"

Me: "Tay yer? I don't know what that means sweetie."

Kaitlyn:  "Tay yer" (Do you see where this is going?)

Me: "Tiger?" 

Kaitlyn: "Tay Yer" (Okay she is adding emphasis, but what is Tay yer?)

Me: "Tigger?"

Kaitlyn: "Tay yer"

Me: "Kaitlyn I don't know what you are trying to tell me.  Can you show me what you want?"

Kaitlyn:  Looking toward the patio doors.  "TAY YER"

Me: "Kaitlyn what do you need?"

Kaitlyn: "TAY YER" (Finally I think I got it.)

Me: "Oh Taylor?"

Kaitlyn: "Tay yer" While nodding her head.

Me: "Sweetie Taylor is not outside right now, maybe you can play with her after nap."

It sometimes takes time.  It always takes patience.  You will figure out what they need.  Just remember, they are 2 for 365 days.  Enjoy them as much as possible.