This post is having a hard time getting started. I guess it is because I have this whole thing about how I have to say things just right. It is part of my perfectionism problem that I am working on. So I am just going to say it.
I love to watch Joyce Meyer on TBN. I try to watch her every morning, having two small children that does not always happen. Last week I only caught it twice. Both days she was talking about love and how we need to understand how much God loves us. I know God loves me ... right?
Sunday rolls around (after our night of chaos -upcoming post - it was a little difficult to get out of bed) and we are off to church. Worship is all about how God loves us. I know God loves me, but do I believe it? I haven't heard from God in a while and we have a lot going on right now.
What do I do when God is silent? I think of how I am not doing enough to hear from God, I think I am not spending enough time with him. I think He has left me hanging. Then I think of the poem Footprints in the Sand, and sometimes even when I pray I say, "God this is probably one of those times that you are carrying me, but I just don't feel your presence right now."
I try to write morning pages daily to clear my mind. Usually they just stay in my journal, sometimes they inspire a post, or just lead me to a revelation.
I think I have been lead to a revelation ... I don't believe that God loves me. I know it in my head, I don't believe it in my heart. We are all at different points in our walk with Christ. This is where I am. The "Good Christian Mom" (as I was called Saturday night) has belief issues.
Thanks to my Bible.com App I am going to study this and study it until it is in my heart. I am starting with "Why Does God Love Me?" If you don't have a smart phone or tablet you can get the same reading plans at YouVersion.com.
Have a blessed week!