When I finished writing this I am now debating posting it. Yes, I added this after I was done.
So much has been going on lately I basically have put way to much on the back burner. Basically everything has been put on the back burner, and I am not sure there are any back burners left.
First things first. This pregnancy has made me pretty sick. Not as sick as pregnancy #1, but still sick. Sickness and a toddler - fun stuff! I have figured out how to keep it manageable at least. November is going to be here before we know it.
We also have been moving. We had virtually no help (one day our amazing friends were able to help with the large things). The power was shut off at our old place (super long story that was not our fault), so we had to do everything during the daylight. In addition to that it rained the entire month of April. This is no exaggeration, it rained all except for 3 days. It was horrible to say the least. We moved and got settled.
It was mostly together for by the beginning of May, but we still had a few things to do. Mother's Day rolled around and all of a sudden I had a houseful of company and a dinner to prepare. (This happens last minute too often.) Well that meant I had to get all the little things done (hidden if they can't be finished yet.) Well I got at least the stuff put away/hidden. We are still making it a home. I have pictures to hang in my living room, curtains to hang (which I am afraid to do since we do have a leak around our window in our living room), shower curtain needs to be hung in the hall bath (we don't use it) and 3 closets to organize (but least the doors can be closed).
Summer is about to get underway. So that meant I needed to find babysitting for the summer. Which was a headache to say the least. That does mean that I still need to double check with our sitter to make sure everything is in order. I would hate for the first day to need her and her not be here on time. Clients are still booking events and times are basically out. Which is a good thing. The business seemed to take a back burner to a lot of other things I was trying to do with it and our actually bookings show that. We have learned somethings this year that we will be changing for next summer.
My husband works for a company where his job is unstable to say the least. That adds a whole different level of stress to our already stressful situation. Now that we are moved and things are settled, our bills dropped so much things will start to even themselves out.
Not any of this really addresses where all of my funk/stress/unbalanced feelings are coming from. It feels like my relationship with God is non-existent. I have been a believer for several years now. I truly feel I am saved. However I also feel like I have never really figured out how to have a relationship with God. A few years back things were a lot, lot better. I felt I at least had a relationship with God - I feel that relationship is completely gone. I know that it is not God's fault, it's completely mine. This is something that I need to get back on the right track. If I don't nothing else is going to get back on the right track either.
All of this considered, it's surprising that I was able to get anything done. The truth is I wasn't. I was/am irritable, I feel like I am just going through my days waiting for bed time, living from nap to nap. How is this a good example for my daughter? Now granted she won't remember what has happened over the last few months, but what if it continues and nothing changes. Then our life will stay stressful and unproductive and I will not be a good example for her and the baby coming. How is this being a good wife for my husband? How is this respecting my marriage or how hard my husband works to so that I can build a business from the ground up?
I need to make some changes. It starts with my relationship with God. I fix/work on that everything else will just fall into proper place.