Wednesday, January 2, 2013

{Woman's World Wednesday} The Un-Friended

Woman's World Wednesday is not one of the posts I write often.  Probably because most of my world falls into "Mama-land" right now.  This had to be shared I am sure that I am not the only one that has gone through this.

Before I get into this Woman's World post I want to put this out there so that I will confuse NO ONE.
1.  I am very happy with the man that I choose to marry.
2.  I would not trade him for ANYONE.  Not even Tim Tebow.  {No, this post has nothing to do with Tim Tebow.}
3.  The sub-conscious is a strange place.  Stress makes it stranger.

To say that we have been under some stress would be the understatement of the year.  Our lives have been far from stress-free.  4 job changes in one year, having to move in with my in-laws and their 3 dogs, an unexpected pregnancy with complications - yeah, stress-free.

Last week I have been resting recovering from a hospital stay.  One night/early morning I had a dream that I remembered all to well.  One that I could not wake up from no matter how much I wanted to.  Please tell me that I am not the only one who will wake from a dream and just be furious!  Yeah, it was one of those dreams.

Here is the dream - The guy who I wanted to be "the one" before I met THE ONE is in this dream.  I am in the dream and I am single.  He is not.  We were hanging out at his place (the same one he is in now, the same one he was in when we were 'friends').  For whatever reason we started kissing.  He was dating the girl he has been dating for the last 8 years.  He starts feeling all guilty and acting all weird.  All I want to do is wake up and all that is happening is awkward comments between him and I.

Finally my daughter starts to cry and I wake up.  She was fine and Hubs went to check on her, but I was so thankful to have been awaken by her tears.

Why does this guy invade my dreams?  Why does this guy in my dreams still choose the other girl?  Why is it that I can come up with 10,000 reasons why I am so much better off without him that he can still push my buttons 11 years later?

All this time he has always said that he only wanted to be friends.  All this time, I have never wanted to be just friends with him.  The last 10 years I was okay with not being his friend.  Then he was found on Facebook - oh Facebook how much do we love and hate you all at the same time.  So for the last year I tried to be his friend.  It wasn't working.  His comments made me question things that no longer mattered.  His pictures made me mad.  His pictures made me come to unfair assumptions about his girlfriend - whom I have never met.  Satan was using this "friendship" to work his way into my marriage, my Godly marriage. 

Up until the day of that dream I had him hidden on Facebook and Twitter.  My thinking was that he had never done anything  to warrant not being my friend.  He had always been honest about his feelings and intentions, I was the one who wanted more.  So, I will just keep him hidden then he won't show up unless he reaches out.  I had spoke to Hubs several times about what to do with this situation.  Every single time he said he didn't care and it was up to me.  So the day of the dream I did it.

I un-friended him.  And, it actually felt good.  {Also, I told Hubs and all he said was okay.}

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