Monday, March 23, 2015

Ebb and Flow of the Work at Home Mom

Just over a year and a half ago I wrote about the ebb and flow of our schedule.  We are in flux again, and this time it is much more stressful. After a minor mental breakdown over the weekend and break-through I think we are going to be okay.

So instead of showing you my "Facebook Happy Life" I am going to keep it real.

I am sure I don't have to tell you this.

LIVE IS HARD. Life as a Work At Home Mom is HARD.

Our reality.
1. Our 3 year old is out growing naps. Goes from full gear to crashed in the matter of nanoseconds. He wants to nap from 330 to 5 and be up until 1030 pm. Our 5 year old can make it until 7 without a nap then she goes into full meltdown mode.

The struggles with this

-- if I let them stay up they are a little unbearable the whole time they get to spend time with Daddy during the week. Then he doesn't get to spend all that much time with them after work.
-- if I force them to nap bedtime needs to be pushed back and I am worn out by the time 730 rolls around. (It literally is forcing them to nap. Threats of lost toys and lost playtime. Yeah, it's bad.)
-- I work during nap. This is when I get the most done. It is my laser focus time. ... for the last 2 to 3 weeks it has been discipline every 15 minutes and I have gotten nothing done.

2. I have been sleep deprived for 4 years now. -- but Little Miss is 5 ... yeahp. She was a great sleeper. She slept through the night by 4 months. She took naps great, and for the most part still does. HOWEVER she tosses and turns like she is sleeping in a darn washing machine! Her blankets end up who knows where, she can't find them to cover herself up when she gets cold at 3 am. So what does she do ... Mommy, can you help me? Listen to crying or just get up and do it? Ongoing discussion in my house. Then there is Little Mister. At the same time when Little Miss is getting cold so is Little Mr. instead of asking for help he is coming over with blanket and stuffies in tow to sleep with Mama.

The struggles of this

-- when is Mama supposed to get rest and recover from a full day of being Mama?
-- of course Mama has been trying to get work accomplished so she has been staying up late. When this insanity starts at 3 am I have maybe gotten 2 to 3 hours of sleep.

3. The job front is not as secure as one would like. That just adds a whole different level of anxiety. Is it ever going to end? Is it ever going to stop raining?

So I say again. Life is hard.

I went looking for some answers.

I went to church and walked out feeling so beaten up spiritually. Here is the funny thing - that is not AT ALL what the message was even about. I left church wondering if the love of Jesus was in my heart of just plain hatred. I didn't go home (Hubs knew I was going to take some alone time before I even went to church). I started venting - in the form of a blog post that will now, never see the light of day.

That is when I had a breakthrough.

The biggest thing I realized is that my schedule, my work time and non-work time needed to be revamped. The second biggest thing I realized is that I had to stop playing and delete Farmville2. It was doing nothing but causing anxiety and taking time away from important things -- like my kids. I realized that the enemy was using my attempt to get time in The Word against me. I was having thoughts like "It is not okay to read just 1 chapter a day -- if you can't read more you should read it at all." and "listening to The Word be read to you is not the same as reading it yourself -- you aren't even paying attention to it."

I realized that without changes my life would continue to spin out of control and fall apart.

Changes I am going to make - mainly I am going to go back to things that worked before.

1. I feel better when I go to bed, lights off by 10:30.
2. Life is better when I get quiet time in the morning. BEFORE everyone gets up.
3. I am going to find ways to adjust our schedule and keep the kids happy busy when I need to be working.
4. I am setting work hours and non - work hours.

I will keep you posted on how things are going.

Feel free to leave your work at home tips in the comments.

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