Friday, January 18, 2013

{Faithful Friday} - Acceptance and Transparency

Recently, I talked about how sometimes we just need a child's like faith.  Earlier this week I was reading in Isaiah and I came across this passage.

Have you ever experienced that?  I think God does it to us all.   Okay, you can have this part and when you get it I will give you more.

I am sure this happens to you too.  You keep coming across the same song or something just gets stuck in your head.  I have heard the same song 8 times over a 3 day span (I haven't been listening to the radio all that much) and one part is just stuck like wet mud in my head.  I really believe that this is a message from God that he wants me to work on.  The message:
"Even if the healing doesn't come ... You are faithful"  {from a Kutless song}
I read on and Isaiah 29 just sat heavy with me.  So heavy that I couldn't really read on.  So I just stopped to pray.  "God it really seems like I should be getting something from all of this.  Where I am missing it?"

All I kept feeling was soon it will be all clear, soon it will be made right.  The passage was alluding to that soon Jesus will come.  I decided it was time for some journalling.  I don't usually just share what I journal about, but I think this is something that God is really working on me with and I am feeling lead to share.  All the "you"s that are following are really referring to me.

Jesus has already come - and yes he will come back, but if you accept him you must accept all that he is.  He is faithful regardless of what is going on.  He is faithful.  Your prayers do not fall on deaf ears.  He is faithful to his plans for you.  He is faithful to his promises.

His promise for you to prosper - Jeremiah 29:11-14
His promise to never forget or forsake you.
His promise to provide for you.

You must accept all that He is.  Right now you must accept he is faithful.

Then God started speaking to me directly.  Sara - I love you too much to not be faithful.  You are my daughter.  My special chosen treasure.  I will make it all right, but in my time.  I asked when and heard "soon".

We moved on - I was asked - what have you been praying for?  Normality.

Is that what you really want?  Just life to be the way it is - normal?  Look around you, this is your current normal.  Is that what you really want?

{disclaimer: Remember, as humans we keep a front that we have it all together.  We haven't had it together for sometime.  This season of our life started 16 months ago.}

You are right God - our current normal we have, and no this is not what I want.  I want everyone else's normal.  I want us to be able to pay our bills on time and completely.  I want to always have money for gas and groceries.  I want to be able to let my kids earn things based on their behavior and be able to afford it when it times to cash in.  I want to be able to buy toys for them now and then, not rely on Birthdays and Christmas for new toys.  I want to be able to buy them clothes when they out grow them not rely on hand-me-downs from friends and family.  I want to be able to date my husband.  I want to be able to do fun things with my kids that are not free.  God I don't want to turn back time, but I want the financial life we had before we had kids.

God, the thing I really want is my husband back.  This season of our lives is creating such a strain on him.  Income and our own place will bring him back.  God then whispered - I need him to come to me.

I asked How should I be praying for him?  I got silence, God knows that I know how to be praying for him.  So I prayed - God show him the desires of his heart.  Show him that yes, money is needed to make the world go around, but YOU are the source.  Reveal to him the plans you have for him to prosper.  Lead him to the option that will provide for his family in the way you want him to provide for us, in abundance.

Lord, he truly has a heart for you.  I can see it.  I see changes in him over the last year that can only be you.  Yes, he questions and yes, he doubts and doesn't understand.  But, so does our pastor - I guess it is okay.

Lord, I trust you with him and with our family.  I accept you are faithful and you have great plans for us.  I am sorry that we question it and doubt your goodness.  Please forgive us.  We will hold on to you and you will guide us along your path for us.

I am so thankful for all that God does for us.  I am thankful for the people he has put in our lives.  I am thankful for their love and friendship.  I am thankful for everyone who has given to us during this time of trial and turmoil.  I am thankful that soon seems like it is coming much sooner than I had anticipated.

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