The Struggle is Real

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.

Romans 7:18-19

The struggle is real.

The struggle is never going to go away.

As long as we are sucking wind on this planet, the struggle is real.

This struggle is that of sin. I am sure you have heard it, “sin is sin.” I have, many times. My exact thought -- “I am good, I am not sinful. I don’t do the big ones.” Yeah, well what about the little ones? What are you talking about Sara?

What about listening to that little nudge, and doing what it tells you to do? Not obeying. Living in fear. Doing just enough to barely survive. THOSE are the sins that I struggle with.

Obeying

Control

Loving

When it comes to these sins -- I am a SINNER. I fail daily. Thank God for His grace and mercy.

But when I don’t sin. When I obey, when I stop trying to make it work my way, when I respond in love -- oh my then I give God room to work. Then I give God room to bless others. Then I give God even more reasons to want to bless me - even though He has all the reasons He needs, I am His and He loves me!

Let me explain it the way Jesus would have with a story.

I really don’t like grocery shopping. It is a chore that I just like to ‘get done’.

Well last summer we were on the hunt to replace the kids kitchen. It was too small for both of them to play at the same time. It was falling apart. It was really cheap to begin with. I had looked at a few places but found nothing that I felt was a great deal. I would scan every single garage sale as I passed to see if it was worth stopping and really looking.

Back to the grocery shopping. I was on the way to the store - I decided (God lead me) to take the time to drive to my favorite Aldi rather than the one right up the street. On the way I see this garage sale. I slow down and peek … toys, but nothing big. I keep going.

After I am done shopping I am putting the cart back and I think to myself, I am going to leave my quarter in the cart and bless someone. (This one probably was me, not God.) Then I feel that nudge, that hey you are about to be told to do something from God. “No, you are going to leave 3.” “What? Then I have to go back to the car, get two more quarters, walk back over here … and God there are people coming! I will probably have to talk to one of them! (All of a sudden 4 people were heading toward the carts!)”

Then there is that split second -- are you going to obey or not. Sin or follow directions?

Mentally kicking and screaming I walk to my car, get two more quarters and walk back. I put one in the first cart. I put one in the second. As I am walking away I get the look … the look that registered as “crazy lady what are you doing?” I respond to the look by saying, “Random Acts of Kindness. Have a quarter!” Then I high-tail it out of there.

I get in my car and breathe out … I don’t think I took a full breathe during this whole thing - what was God wanting me to do! I was way out of my comfort zone, but a few seconds later I was back in my car, breathing and safe. Back in my little cocoon of pseudo invisibility. I am heading home, feeling rather good that I obeyed.

As I get up to this yard sale I see it. Front and center, big and calling my name. A KITCHEN! This was the same yard sale that I passed on the way to the store. I stop. I walk straight to that kitchen. “How much?” willing to pay up to 20 … “$5” WHAT?!!?!?!?!?!?! (mentally) I pull that money right out of my pocket and I give her $6.

Moral of the story … I had that nudge … I heard the request … I had a split second to decided obey or sin … I obeyed … God rewarded me.

Do I get ‘rewards’ like that everytime? Of course not. I would guess that if I really looked at it I would see more rewards than I do. Am I more willing to listen to that nudge that says … do this. You bet. God needed me to see that listening and obeying are important! Do I fail at it? EVERY SINGLE DAY! Does God give me chance after chance? Yep. That is why He is such a better parent than I am.

So, Paul lays it out for us. The struggle is real.

Christmas A to Z: H is for Hope

This is not shocking - I fell off the wagon with this series.  I am determined to get get caught up and finish A to Z Christmas on Christmas day. This post will be exactly why I fell off the wagon.

We are up to the letter H.

H was going to be for "Holiday", how much I hated that word, and why I changed my mind. Then life throws you a curve ball. Striking you out without even giving you a chance to swing.

Now H is for Hope.

When you are small you are filled with hope.  Hope that the thing you want most in your little life will be there from Santa on Christmas morning. As you get older those hopes change. Then you have the hope that maybe this will be the year that you will have someone to share the holidays with. Then you become a Christian and you are filled with the hope that comes from Jesus.

This season I was so focused on giving. I was able to give. I was so excited. God blessed us to be able to give this year. Until 13 days before Christmas that is. The enemy stuck us big time. The "Christian" company my husband was working for decided at 6 pm on 2 weeks before Christmas to eliminate the department he worked in, without any warning.

Let's be honest. It shook my faith. How could a company that claims to have strong family and Christian values do this to families 13 days before Christmas?

I am doing everything I can to hang on to hope. Hope that this is only a momentary set back. Hope that things will finally turn around. Hope that we will live on our own again. Hope we will be out of debt. Hope my children won't remember too much of this and what they do remember are the good things.

So, instead of all my typical Christmas jolliness I am drowning myself in the HOPE that only Jesus can provide.

As Christians we share the hope of Jesus more this time of the year.

Jesus is our hope.

Link up your Christmas posts below!  (Link you TpT Products Here)

An InLinkz Link-up

Church when on Vacation

Do you go to church when you are on vacation?  

If I grew up in the church I would probably go to the church I attended growing up.  However, I didn't grow up in the church.  Which makes things fun when I go to visit my parents.  I get to check out churches! 

I don't do this at home.  I love my church, so why would I check out anywhere else?

Last time I visited I had visited a different church.  I didn't like that church so I went on a quest to find something else.  Something that was similar to what I was used to back home.  I found a church with a website that was similar to ours.  I looked around and decided RIVERGLEN Christian Church is where I was going this Sunday.

This picture is from the RiverGlen Christian Church website.

It was great!  The music was good.  It was a great message on the problem with the comparison game.  I talked to one of the women's ministry ladies and will be going back on Friday to attend 

They are having Micca Campbell from Proverbs 31 speaking.  I am really excited.  I am going to get nice and filled up before heading home on Sunday.  It will be $10 well spent I am sure.  

I am so thankful that my parents are willing to babysit and let me use their car.  

When God Answers Prayer

As I mentioned yesterday I am in a bible study right now with an amazing group of women.  

At the end of our sessions we always ask if anyone has any prayer requests.  When no one spoke up our “leader” said, “So your lives are all perfect?”  I said, “Well I guess Keith has a job interview and it might be a better job than he has now.”  So we added that to the prayer list - better employment.  

I have been praying that things just change.  Whatever that looks like just help us make the changes that we need to make.  

So during my quiet time earlier this week I could not focus.  These thoughts just kept swimming around in my head and reading the bible was quickly becoming impossible.  I pulled out my journal and started emptying the thoughts.  

-- We closed out our storage unit.   Now saving that entire bill.

-- We switched our phone plans.  That is almost cut in half.

-- We are now saving $xxx on just those bills.  Why are we still seeming to be sinking?

-- God is providing for all of our needs.  Except getting a place of our own.  What is going on?

-- Could it be that you are doing the same things that got you into the situation you are in now?  

-- Could it be that you still haven’t made the changes you need to make for the big picture?  

-- Why should God answer our prayer for more when we can’t effectively manage what we have now?

And although it doesn’t seem like it.  This is really an answered prayer.  It is an answer to a prayer I have been praying for a long time.  SHOW ME WHAT WE NEED TO DO AND WHERE WE NEED TO CHANGE.  

God has shown me we over spend when we don’t use cash.  Although we need the bank account those plastic little cards cause problems.  Even when they are not actual credit cards.

God has shown me that we still haven’t mastered budgeting.  

God has shown me that if I would just stop being lazy (which is really just being selfish) things would be better because we would have the cash.  And ultimately more control of what HE has provided for us to use.  

We would eat out less if I make a plan for dinners and a plan for the grocery shopping.  If I would stop being lazy about finding coupons our budget would go farther.  Oh and if we eat out less we will be healthier and have more money.  Nice double edged sword there.

Well there you have it -- an answered prayer and although it wasn’t what I expected, it was just what I needed.  

{Tell Me About It Tuesday} God is at Work

Many times we don’t even see it until He is well on HIS way or when He is already finished.  

Two summers ago I decided I was going to start doing some bible studies.  I started with a Beth Moore Study of Esther.  I cannot believe the group of women that I met in that study.  Well then we did another.  When it was time for the 3rd study Keith and I were doing a class together.  Then I missed one because of life or two.  

I decided I was going to do Thursday morning studies because then I could take the kids, they would get social time and I would get study time.  Well, that didn’t work out for a variety of reasons.  I said to Keith if I am going to do bible studies I am going to do the Tuesday night ones - it is just easier.

Around Easter my friend (the “leader” of these studies) asked me about coming to Malachi this summer.  After the devil tried and tried to stop me from being in this study I joined up.  

It has been an interesting study.

I give this background information because along with this I decided it was time to be more intentional about my walk with the Lord.  I kept not getting up for quiet time because I just knew (feared really) that it would get hijacked because the kids would get up with me.  But I decided it was time to face that fear and just start doing it.  They would start sleeping past me getting up with my husband eventually.  

For some reason my little guy loves to sleep on the floor.  Not sure if it is a security thing, a firmness thing or just a silly thing.  You know he was playing with toys and just fell asleep.  

Well, I have been at this for a week now.  The kids have not gotten up with me once.  And only one time did they get up 30 minutes after me.  They have been sleeping at least an hour after I get up most days.  (Today they are going on 2!)

God is at work.  

I am fighting off a funk and I know it is the enemy.  Even with that being said, I am finding out strategies to combat that things that have been driving me crazy.  Things are getting better.  

Tune in tomorrow when I reveal an answered prayer.  It won’t be what you think.

Review: Esther Queen of Persia by Jim Baumgardner

While on Facebook last night I find this status:

Joe Boyd: Fascinated - not surprised or hurt - by the 100+ negative comments to my latest blog on @HuffPostRelig re the BIble http://t.co/A2IhfcNLmi

So of course I had to go over there and see what was going on!  I read the entry and I started to read the comments.  So much negativity - they were even coming across like this is a man who is just a Christian with a view point.  I got really riled up, who could these people say these things without even knowing this man?  Why is no one who knows him standing up for him?

Let me sum it up like this.  Joe Boyd is the former teaching pastor at our church.  God has put a calling on this man to be a storyteller.  He is AMAZING!  The post is basically saying -- if we don't start sharing the stories of the bible they will get lost.

As a Christian I hate to admit it, but there are SO many stories in the bible that I don't know.  The story of Samson was used as an example in one of our services recently and I only had my knowledge of the Bible mini-series to go from.  So what he says is true, as Christians some of us don't know these stories and if they are not shared they will get lost.

Jim Baumgardner might feel along the same lines.  He is doing his part to share the stories of the bible in his unique way.  Just like Joe Boyd, he (Jim) is amazing.

Now, the story of Ester is one that I knew from the bible - 2 summers ago I did the Beth Moore Ester study.  However, you do not need to know the story from the bible to understand the book.

This is what Jim does - he takes the story from the bible, the history from the time and writes a captivating story.  My friends and I were shocked that half way through the book Ester finally becomes Queen of Persia, but the first half really puts you in Hadassah's shoes.  Her thoughts of being taken from her home, her fears of no longer being able to wed a Jew, her fears of what would happen if she isn't selected as Queen.  The whole book is like this.  It really brings the 4 chapter story from the Bible alive.

Jim Baumgardner is an amazing story teller and gifted with words.

Pick up a copy of Ester Queen of Persia: A Courageous Woman for a Dangerous Time here:
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Connect with Jim at:
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Be Thankful

As of right now, I just need to camp here.

Handling the BIG Questions

What is it with 4 years old and asking big tough questions already?

These are the questions/statements I have gotten in the last couple maybe 3 weeks.

About God:

• God isn't real.  I can't see Him.
• Where is Heaven?
• When do we get to go there (Heaven)?
• How is God here all the time if we can't see Him?
• If God is in my heart how is He a person?
• Why isn't God a person?
• Why isn't Jesus a person anymore?
• What is a Spirit? 

About Life:

• Mommy, I want a baby sister.
• When will my baby sister be here?
• When my baby sister comes out of your tummy can I watch?

I can handle the baby sister questions.  Those are easy enough.  When will your baby sister be here?  - I don't know, there isn't a baby in Mommy's belly right now.  When will there be a baby in your belly Mommy? - When God puts one there.  Can I watch? - No, it's against the rules.  (That's not a lie since I have had c-sections she wouldn't be allowed in there.)

The God questions - I do my best, but dang those questions are hard!  You try to give simple answers since she is only 4.  Then it seems like those answers are not satisfying her because she keeps asking.  

How do you explain where Heaven is? -- Heaven is up in the sky, it's above the clouds.  When do I/we get to go there? {Dear Lord, not before me PLEASE!}  In a very, very, very long time.  - Thank you God she didn't then ask, "When I am 48?"  

Explaining these things to a 4 year old is amazingly difficult because you want to explain it in a way she understands, but yet some of it at 35 you still don't get.  I also don't want to use the excuse, "These are things you will understand when you are older."  I never want to give those answers.  I find myself having to go there when it comes to these questions.  Not because that is true, more because I don't know how to answer her.

So, I am seeking advise.  How do you explain God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit, Heaven and prayer to your kids?

Sharing Our Love

We have been counting down days to big events in February, Valentine's Day, Nana's birthday and Mommy's birthday.  

For some reason this little one {Little Miss} is in LOVE with Valentine's Day.  Could be because she is my daughter?  Today is only like my favorite holiday!  I love everything about it.  Love, hearts, pink and glitter!  It is right up my alley!

Too many people hate Valentine's Day.  If you don't have your person then you are not loved.  If you don't have your person then you don't have a reason to celebrate.  Maybe it is because the person they love is gone - over seas or heaven.  Maybe they are just hurting and alone and today just hits that point home for them even harder.  Everyone has their reasons for loving or hating the day.  

Even though my husband and I are sacrificing this Valentine's Day for our long term goals.  I wasn't going to completely scrap it for the kids.  I didn't do the whole, Valentine's Day is time to buy the people you love presents!  There is enough of that stuff going around.  Nope, I went more with today is a day where we can shower people with love.  God loves us all, so let's show people that God loves them by saying Happy Valentine's Day.   I asked what she wanted to do.  "Hand out Valentines!"

So we set out and got two boxes of Valentines.  I wrote "You" in the To: and in the From: I wrote, "God loves you."  We taped them to Kit Kat bars.

Since I had two kids that went to bed like champs last night we headed to the mall.  

She started out by giving them to the Mommy, Grandma and Daddy playing with their kids at the play area.  When Little Mister and Little Miss were done playing we walked around the mall and she handed out around 25 valentines to 'strangers'.  Several employees said, "I wish we had something for her.  That is too sweet!"  I told them, "it's perfectly okay, we are just sharing our love today."  It didn't matter man, woman, old, young, black, white, shopper or employee.

After the first few she saw someone and said, "What about him/her Mommy?"  I only stopped her when it was a worker who was really busy (She wanted to go in the jewelry store - 8 shoppers and 3 workers) I just redirected her attention to someone else.  It was obvious that she was really getting into it.

Some she gave out were to men shopping for suits.  Women who were working.  People who were just shopping.  Some just took them and said, "Thank You".  Others looked at me with that look asking if it was okay/confusion.  One was an older lady sitting on a bench reading a book - she was almost brought to tears.  One worker looked at me and said, "She just made my day."  Then there was the mom with 5 or 6 kids - she just looked at her and said, "Happy Valentine's Day to you too Sweetheart."  Her oldest boy then found us later and gave them a stuffed animal he won in the claw game.

After I asked her how she felt about handing out valentines to strangers.  "It made me happy."  I then asked her how she thinks it made the other people feel.  "Happy and special."  I then asked her if she like making people feel special and happy.  She just nodded.

There was something in that simple nod.  With her simple nod I saw the fingerprint of God right there on my baby girl.

I prayed before I got out of the car.  "Lord, if I am supposed to pray for someone today that needs to be hit me with a semi-truck clear, because that is not a strong point of mine and I am not the most comfortable with it, but if you need me too I will."  All I did was facilitate what she wanted to do.  Yes, I bought 2 boxes of Valentines and a bag of candy.  I saw smiles that might not have been smiles today.  I saw twinkles in the eyes of strangers.  I saw a little girl who runs and hides behind my knee walk up to people and say "Happy Valentine's Day".

You can't tell me God is not alive.  I saw Him today.  I saw him in the heart of a 4 year old little girl.  I saw Him warm the hearts of strangers, even if it was just for those few seconds.  I am sure that for some of them they are going to see that little Doc McStuffins or Thomas Valentine and smile.

God doesn't need much space, He just needs to be invited in.  We might have storms raging all around us - but in the midst of it we can still be a blessing.  We can still pour out God's love in simple ways.  What can you do today to show a stranger love?

Faith Fridays {New Tradition}

I am sure you have heard ...

I would also lean toward ...

I don't really talk about it much here, but I LOVE OUR CHURCH.  There are amazing people that serve there.  They offer tons of classes to help you grow in your faith.  Our new Sr. Pastor is animated and engaging.  We are so, so blessed to have him join our Vineyard family.

We attend a "mega church" and it has a ministry arm that is called the Healing Center.  It is part free store, part job coaching, part healing, part uplifting, part encouraging - all wonderful.

Before Thanksgiving it was announced that The Healing Center would be holding 10 Christmas parties for the people they serve.  They needed us to help.  Husband and I have been looking for ways to serve more.  There are not many ways that we can serve as a family with a 4 year old and a 2 year old.  Plus, it is difficult with our babysitting options right now.   This was right up our alley!  We could serve at home - as treat makers.  We could all be involved.

We served with LOVE and laughter.

I packaged up our goodies and dropped them off at the Healing Center the day of the or day before the parties we were serving.  I said a quick prayer over our goodies - that the people being served at The Healing Center would feel God's love at this time of the year.  A time of the year that can be really hard on some people.

My prayer for us as a family is that we will find more and more ways to serve together - and more than just at Christmas.

How do you serve God in your family?

Pin God 1st Challenge

Yesterday, I saw that Carey over at Cravings posted a new Pin God 1st Challenge.  Now I had not known of this before, but I am going to take part.  I am posting it today, and we did do both yesterday and today’s passage this morning.  We are reading them as a family before we ever turn the computer or the TV on.  We are truly starting our day with God.

4/1 Colossians 1:1-6

This letter is from Paul, chosen by the will of God to be an apostle of Christ Jesus, and from our brother Timothy.  We are writing to God’s holy people in the city of Colosse, who are faithful brothers and sisters in Christ. 

May God our Father give you grace and peace.   

We always pray for you, and we give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and your love for all of God’s people, which come from your confident hope of what God has reserved for you in heaven.  You have had this expectation ever since you first heard the truth of the Good News.

Oddly nothing jumped off the page to me with this set of passage.

4/2 Colossians 1:9-14

So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you.  We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding.  Then the way you live will always honor and please {written} the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit.  All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.

We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need.  May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father.  He has enabled you to share {outloud} in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins. {read}

What is God trying to say to me?

I really think that God is confirming what Hubs and I were talking about Tuesday.  God didn’t give the arc to Noah he gave him the tools.  God didn’t place Joseph in high standing with Pharaoh.  He gave Joseph the gifts.  It was up to Joseph and Noah to use what they were given.  By using what was given they are honoring God.  We have to use the tools that God has given us to build our life of abundance.  By using the tools He has given us we are honoring him.  By honoring him we will bear all the good fruits that this life has to offer.

Where art thou?

I have been asking that question A LOT lately.

Where art thou ... God?
Where art thou ... the me I used to be?
Where art thou ... the mommy I want to be?
Where art thou ... the happy man I married?
Where art thou ... sanity?
Where art thou ... calm?
Where art thou ... patience?
Where art thou ... Where art thou ... WHERE ART THOU!

I entered a dark spot in my journey.  I was keeping it all inside and although I thought I hit rock bottom in December, there was this little cliff that I didn't know was there.  I fell off that in March.

If you need some back-story because you are new this post would be the best for you.  And if you are a new reader thanks for stopping by!

I am finding my way back though.  And I am going to share with you what has been going on, because maybe some of you are going through some tough times too.

The first 'Where art thou' question I have been asking, and asking the most is truly, Where art thou God.  It hasn't been a just asking, it has been a pleading... God where are you!  I thought you were supposed to be here with me all the time... where are you in all of this???

Well, God has given me some revelation.

Yes, this is where I am going to say He has been here all along.  I am not going to stop there though.  I am going to tell you how He has been here all along.

Hubs and I have finally been able to take a class at our church called Alpha.  I have been wanting to take it for awhile, and I never said anything to him because "I just knew he wouldn't want to do it."  Then I found out a little more about the class and I just asked him one night, have you ever thought about taking the Alpha class.  To my surprise he said yes, he just didn't know that much about it.  So we found out some stuff about it and signed up.   God was there - He was keeping my mouth shut about taking this class until Hubs was ready to take it too.  God was there through my friend who was a table leader at the last session and told me about the class.  God was there again through this same friend who said I could NOT join (out of love) her bible study because we had to take Alpha together.

The first week not much happened, it was really just the icebreaker week.  The second week we started talking about Jesus.  We were asked who Jesus was to us.  Well, it all turned about me some how ... I told my story from a slightly distant view.  I told them how Hubs lost his job 18 months ago and life has been such an up and down ever since.  How God would come through on the little stuff, but never on the big stuff.  How we basically lost everything.  How I was mad at God and I was hurt that God let all this stuff happened to us.

I was told ... everything happens for a reason.
I was told ... God puts people in our lives to do His work through us.
I was told ... I needed to tell God what I was feeling.
I was told ... I can't do it all on my own.

I was still mad.  I was still hurt.  I was still crying.  But God was there.  He was telling those people to say these things to me so that I would turn to people in my life.

During that week I had talked to a pastor friend of mine and he gave me some guidance.  God was there leading him in prayer for me and guiding his words to me.  Telling me the right places to go in the bible, the right stories to look up.  The things I needed to hear.

Then I had it out with God and I wrote him a letter (that has always been my most expressive form of communication.)

The next day was the Mom's Group Tuesday.  I was stoked, I was going to get me some prayer.  I told Melissa the same nutshell version of what was going on.  I told her what happened the week before at Alpha.  God was with her too.  She told me about this scripture where it says that God can't hear our prayers if we are offended by someone - even if that someone is God.  We need to ask for forgiveness on that and it will open those lines of communication again.

When I got home that afternoon I said to Hubs, "Hey I want to talk about you about what happened at Mom's group."  So I told him what happened and what Melissa prayed over us.  I asked him what he thought.

We had the best conversation about his beliefs at the core.  A conversation I am not sure we ever had.  And if we have had it I didn't hear it.  My ears were not open to other view points.  I thought my way of understand was the only way to understand it.  God was there.  He was giving me ears to hear and listen to what my husband was saying.  He was opening my heart to understanding the line my husband has always used that I just brushed off.

God is bringing us through this season.  I have been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  I read that God has given us hard times so that people can see His grace and love during those hard times.  So that is where God has been through all of this.  He has been here.  When I don't think He is here with us, I just have to look to see if He is working in someone else.

{Online Bible Journey} Why Does God Love Me?

Sorry I started this and then it fell away the very next week.  Things have been a little crazy around here we can't seem to get well.

But we are back ... We are looking at the You Version Bible Plan - Why Does God Love Me?  This week we are going to look at Psalms 136.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord of lords.
His faithful love endures forever.

Give thanks to him who made the heavens so skillfully.
His faithful love endures forever.

Give thanks to him who placed the earth among the waters.
His faithful love endures forever.

Give thanks to him who made the heavenly lights -
His faithful love endures forever.

The sun to rule the day,
His faithful love endures forever.

And the moon and stars to rule the night.
His faithful loves endures forever.

Give thanks to him who killed the firstborn of Egypt.
His faithful love endures forever.

He brought Israel out of Egypt.
His faithful love endures forever.

He acted with a strong hand and a powerful arm.
His faithful love endures forever.

Five thanks to him who parted the Red Sea.
His faithful love endures forever.

He led Israel safely through,
His faithful love endures forever

but he hurled Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea.
His faithful love endures forever.

Give thanks to him who led his people through the wilderness.
His faithful love endures forever.

Give thanks to him who struck down mighty kings.
His faithful love endures forever.

He killed powerful kings -
His faithful love endures forever.

Sihon king of the Amorites
His faithful love endures forever

and Og king of Bashan.
His faithful love endures forever.

God gave the land to these kings as an inheritance -
His faithful love endures forever -

a special possession to his servant Israel.
His faithful love endures forever.

He remembered us in our weakness.
His faithful love endures forever.

He saved us from our enemies.
His faithful love endures forever.

He gives food to every living thing.
His faithful love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His faithful love endures forever.

When we gratitude flows out we are filled with love.  Expressing gratitude shows we are secure in God’s love for us.

In the bible I use (review here) there is commentary about this Psalm.  The Hebrew verb for “give thanks” is more than just saying thank-you.  It is more than just our attitude.  The Hebrew word for love here is often translated as steadfast love.  God’s love, His steadfast love is forever.  It is not temporary or conditional.

Because God loves us and we are secure in that we can live our lives with overflowing gratitude.  This is something that I work on daily.  Being grateful and express gratitude for ALL the things that God has done for us.

Next Week the passages are:

Jeremiah 29:11-13
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.  “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  In those days when you pray, I will listen.  If you look for me wholeheartedly you will find me.”

Jeremiah 31:3
Long ago the Lord said to Israel: I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.  With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.  

Zephaniah 3:17
For the Lord your God is living among you.  He is a mighty savior.  He will take delight in you with gladness.  With his love, he will calm all your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.  

Matthew 10:29-31
What is the price of two sparrows - one copper coin?  But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it.  And the very hairs on your heard are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.

Luke 15:11-32 Parable of the lost son.

{Faithful Friday} - Acceptance and Transparency

Recently, I talked about how sometimes we just need a child's like faith.  Earlier this week I was reading in Isaiah and I came across this passage.

Have you ever experienced that?  I think God does it to us all.   Okay, you can have this part and when you get it I will give you more.

I am sure this happens to you too.  You keep coming across the same song or something just gets stuck in your head.  I have heard the same song 8 times over a 3 day span (I haven't been listening to the radio all that much) and one part is just stuck like wet mud in my head.  I really believe that this is a message from God that he wants me to work on.  The message:

"Even if the healing doesn't come ... You are faithful"  {from a Kutless song}

I read on and Isaiah 29 just sat heavy with me.  So heavy that I couldn't really read on.  So I just stopped to pray.  "God it really seems like I should be getting something from all of this.  Where I am missing it?"

All I kept feeling was soon it will be all clear, soon it will be made right.  The passage was alluding to that soon Jesus will come.  I decided it was time for some journalling.  I don't usually just share what I journal about, but I think this is something that God is really working on me with and I am feeling lead to share.  All the "you"s that are following are really referring to me.

Jesus has already come - and yes he will come back, but if you accept him you must accept all that he is.  He is faithful regardless of what is going on.  He is faithful.  Your prayers do not fall on deaf ears.  He is faithful to his plans for you.  He is faithful to his promises.

His promise for you to prosper - Jeremiah 29:11-14
His promise to never forget or forsake you.
His promise to provide for you.

You must accept all that He is.  Right now you must accept he is faithful.

Then God started speaking to me directly.  Sara - I love you too much to not be faithful.  You are my daughter.  My special chosen treasure.  I will make it all right, but in my time.  I asked when and heard "soon".

We moved on - I was asked - what have you been praying for?  Normality.

Is that what you really want?  Just life to be the way it is - normal?  Look around you, this is your current normal.  Is that what you really want?

{disclaimer: Remember, as humans we keep a front that we have it all together.  We haven't had it together for sometime.  This season of our life started 16 months ago.}

You are right God - our current normal we have, and no this is not what I want.  I want everyone else's normal.  I want us to be able to pay our bills on time and completely.  I want to always have money for gas and groceries.  I want to be able to let my kids earn things based on their behavior and be able to afford it when it times to cash in.  I want to be able to buy toys for them now and then, not rely on Birthdays and Christmas for new toys.  I want to be able to buy them clothes when they out grow them not rely on hand-me-downs from friends and family.  I want to be able to date my husband.  I want to be able to do fun things with my kids that are not free.  God I don't want to turn back time, but I want the financial life we had before we had kids.

God, the thing I really want is my husband back.  This season of our lives is creating such a strain on him.  Income and our own place will bring him back.  God then whispered - I need him to come to me.

I asked How should I be praying for him?  I got silence, God knows that I know how to be praying for him.  So I prayed - God show him the desires of his heart.  Show him that yes, money is needed to make the world go around, but YOU are the source.  Reveal to him the plans you have for him to prosper.  Lead him to the option that will provide for his family in the way you want him to provide for us, in abundance.

Lord, he truly has a heart for you.  I can see it.  I see changes in him over the last year that can only be you.  Yes, he questions and yes, he doubts and doesn't understand.  But, so does our pastor - I guess it is okay.

Lord, I trust you with him and with our family.  I accept you are faithful and you have great plans for us.  I am sorry that we question it and doubt your goodness.  Please forgive us.  We will hold on to you and you will guide us along your path for us.

I am so thankful for all that God does for us.  I am thankful for the people he has put in our lives.  I am thankful for their love and friendship.  I am thankful for everyone who has given to us during this time of trial and turmoil.  I am thankful that soon seems like it is coming much sooner than I had anticipated.

{Faith-Filled Friday} Becoming Intentional

Sometimes when you make a decision you are hit with obstacles that make you question that decision. 

Here is a decision I made recently.  I am going to "Live intentionally, with and on purpose.  To become a better woman, wife and mom all by the grace of God."  That was the decision I made.  This is in no way, shape or form a New Year's Resolution.  This is a decision that came from hitting bottom.  Rock bottom.  Losing everything.  Realizing it is darkest before the dawn.  Realizing something has got to give.

I have set some big goals for the first 6 months of the year.  I like change and I like to be able to adjust, so I picked 6 months.  I might find that is not working for me and change it to seasonally.   Only time will tell.  I am setting goals along the way to help those big goals see the light of day.  I am holding myself accountable, but I am not beating myself up if I fail.  Because - I am not perfect and I will fall and I will fail.

The underlying change to all of this is that I learned one thing hitting rock bottom.  I need God.  I accepted Jesus as my savior in April 2005, but have I really accepted him?  Have I surrendered my life to him?  No.  I found myself in September or so asking - where's my story of how finding the Lord just turned my life around?  I was mad, I wanted my story of how Jesus changed things.  I truly felt this life of being a believer isn't much different than not being a believer, in fact it's worse.  I got really mad.  I got so mad that I was ready to throw in the towel.  I was still going to church, but I was sitting there - yeah, but-ing everything I was listening to. 

This was all happening during a series we were doing city wide called the journey home.  I remember every week walking out of church saying, "What did the talk about?"  I had NO CLUE!  Oh my mind was the devil's playground.  I had just finished a bible study about the Battlefield Mind by Joyce Meyer, so you would think I would have learned a thing or two. 

Life was spinning out of control and I was praying for God to step in and save us.  The more I prayed the more things spinned out of control.  The more specific I got with my prayers the worse things got.  I had others praying for what we needed.  We were only seeing unanswered prayers.  People came through here and there but God never showed up in the big stuff.  That made me even more mad, hurt and angry.  Where was this "loving father"? 

God was taking everything from me and I couldn't figure out what was going on.  God had forgotten me.  God was forsaking me.  God wasn't there for me.  God needed me to hit rock bottom.  God needed me to give up.

The month of December our church did a series entitled Simplify Christmas.  The challenge was to spend 1/2 of what you normally do on Christmas and give the other 1/2 away. 

There was no way we were going to participate in this challenge.  We didn't even have half of what we normally spend to spend on Christmas. 

This series did something else for me.  This series focused, for the first time for me since I have been a believer, the real reason of Christmas.  The true meaning of what happened Christmas morning.  Love came to earth and took human form.  Love was born of a virgin.  Jesus was born to bring love.

Going through this Christmas season - and really this season in our lives - it made me evaluate my life.  Is this really how God wants us living?  What can I do about it because my way isn't working?  That right there is what God needed me to see.  My way doesn't work.  We need to do things His way.  Then the question is how do we do that.  Lord knows I don't have that answer.   What I do know is that I can look at my habits and the way I do things and be intentional about what I do and what I think. 

Here is a great example for you.  It tells us in 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your worries to the Lord for he cares for you."  This is what I would do.  Worry, worry, worry - oh hey, God can carry this for me - pray.  Didn't get MY answer in MY time, so I take it back and worry some more.  A dear friend of mine told me you can't worry and pray at the same time.   So now this is what I do.  I find myself worrying about my situation, I pray.  Because my mind is not renewed I fail.  I take it back sometimes so I can worry about it some more.  Now instead of just keeping it and fretting about something I can't do anything about.  I give it back.  Over the last 24 hours I have given one thing, the same thing,  back to the Lord 3 times.  I can keep doing this until I quit taking it back.  Tomorrow maybe I only have to give it back twice. 

I have decided I am leaning into HIS will for us.  HIS will has got to be better than mine.  He declares that HE has plans for us to prosper.  My way isn't prospering, maybe I should start listening. 

{Into the Word Wednesday} Child Like Faith

God has been showing up through this little girl a lot lately.  I had shared this story about her at church last week on Into the Word.  A lovely reader mentioned this scripture. {Much to my surprise this was featured on this week's Into the Word Wednesday.  Thanks Upward Not Inward}

I then shared this story with our pastor and he referred to the same scripture.

Christmas day while at the in-laws house she went to jump on me and I had to stop her.  I said, "Honey, you can't jump on Mommy right now."  She says, "Oh, the baby is in there."  At that point I tell her that the baby got really sick and had to go live with Jesus.  I swear she didn't hear a word I said.

Then bedtime happened.  She looks at me and says, "Mama, is Jesus' mama holding the baby right now?"  I just hug her.  When I can speak I say to her, "Well, I guess so.  Since Jesus is a grown man now his mama can hold the baby."

The innocence of her faith is uplifting and encouraging.  

Her faith is even entering her imagination and play time.  New Year's Day our little girl "disappeared".  Any time you called for her she said, "I am Mary!"  She wrapped her blankie around her shoulders and told us it was her Mary dress.  She wrapped her baby Belle up in a blanket and carried around Baby Jesus.

I would like to say that we talked Jesus and the Christmas story that much during Christmas that it all just stuck with her.  I more think it was the fact that every time we left our house or came home we drove pass a church that has an amazing nativity scene.  She would ask, "Who is that wearing the green?" or "Where is baby Jesus?" or "Where is Mary?"  We also have a book that she loved hearing, "The Real Story of Christmas" which retells the Christmas story in kid language. 

She believes in Jesus.  She thanks Him for everything in her life.  She prays before she puts food in her mouth, meal or snack.  Her faith has not been tainted by the world.  Maybe we need to take a look at the faith of children to be reminded of that child-like faith we used to have. 

Small Examples Stick

This is a typical Saturday night/Sunday in our house.

Usually it is Hubs, "What's the deal tonight?"  {Saturday night putting the Little Miss to bed}

Little Miss, "No whining, No crying, No getting out of bed."

Then I usually add, "What is tomorrow?"

Little Miss, "Church day."

Me, "So what do you get if you say in bed without whining or crying?"

Little Miss, "I get to watch the music."

This is exactly how it happened Saturday night.  It was the best night that she had gone to bed all week!

Sunday we were running late.  She had to change rooms in the Children's Ministry, so we went straight to drop off instead.  After church she looks at us, "Can we go watch the music now?"  We go to the early service at our church so we could easily stay to watch the worship of the 2nd service.  So that is what we did.

Little Mister even got to watch the music and he really enjoyed it too.

Why am I sharing this - because something interesting happened.

At the start of worship our worship leader was talking about sometimes we have to remember to tell our bodies to worship, it is not just a mental thing.  So to do whatever we feel - close our eyes, raise our hands, bow our heads - whatever we feel lead to do.

Little Miss has seen me lift my hands in worship and we "dance" to the more upbeat songs.  Dancing as much as you can in seat space.

Song 1, I am holding Mister, and Hubs is helping Miss stand on the back of seat to see the stage.  Mister and I are dancing some - I even think I heard Hubs worshiping.

Song 2, We are singing and I hear, "psst"  I look back and there is Miss with her hand up in the air.  Hubs said later he had looked around and no one near us had their hands up.  It warmed my heart to see her worshiping how ever she is lead.   

My prayer is that she continues to worship God, pray and build a loving relationship with our Heavenly Father.  I just pray we are setting Godly examples. 

{Review} Everyday Matters Bible

As I have told you before ... I get to review some wonderful things being a member of Christian Women Affiliates.  You can become one too if you like.  Just head over and sign up.  Today's review ... Everyday Matters Bible for Women.

I was not to sure how I was going to write this up for you.  And as I sit here, I am just asking that God just guide my words to properly explain this bible to you.  I thought about writing up something that just moved me while I was reviewing it.  Then I thought about just telling you about my favorite features.  So I decided I would just tell you part of my story and how this bible has changed it.

The weakest point of my walk is my time spent in the bible.  The Everyday Matters Bible has helped me with that.  I know it's not just because I am reviewing it.  It's the New Living Translation, for me, this is a easy translation to read.  I really don't understand all the different translations and their different nueances, but I do now that it is difficult to do a bible study with differnt translations.  This bible makes me want to read it because it's pretty.  Yes, I am that woman.  If things are pretty I gravitate to them.  It even has pink on the cover. 

Okay, yes these seem to be superficial reasons why to like this bible.  Here is what makes this bible different.  It's the features.  It states in the beginning of the bible "The purpose of the Everyday Matters Bible for Women is to help you use spiritual disciplines to make your everyday life fuller, richer and deeper."  How do they do this?  The bible contains 24 spiritual disciplines.  These are things like Worship, Acceptance, Faith, Community, Prayer and Simplicity.  Each discipline has these four features Everyday Matters - in-depth articles to intorduct major themes, Everyday Profiles - profiles of biblical women, Everyday Q&A and Everyday Reflections.  At the end of the bible they give you suggestions how to use the bible for small group study.  As someone who is considering starting a small group this is helpful for me. 

So what did I find most helpful?  Honestly, I cannot pick one feature. 

I let my spirt lead me to several different passages.  The one that really spoke to me was the Everyday Matters - "Life Changing Community" in Daniel 1.  It gave me one of those "ahh, I am not the only one" feelings.  I had always had this ... I am missing something feeling.  I have always known what it was.  It is that intimate small group of girlfriends.  Sure, I have lots of friends but they are all sort of at the wall.  I need that group of friends who are in the garden with me.  I have never really had that.  We moved around so much when I was a kid that keeping friends was hard.  I figured I would go to college and I would meet me life long girlfriends. I did for a few years and thanks to Facebook some of us have been able to stay connecected, but we live all over the country.  Seeking that group of close knit women I attended a few small groups, but the group would end and I was empty again.  I am still looking for that small, intimate group, but each time I do something I connect with 1 or 2 people that I continue a relationship with.  I have connected with a group of moms and I have joined a bible study.  Maybe I need to be more proactive about finding my inner circle, because that is what I need - an inner circle.  Even Jesus had an inner circle.  There were his 12 disciples, but 3 that he was super tight with.  That is what I am missing. Last week at church we talked about Acts 2:42-47 and this Everyday Matters Article mentioned it too. 

There is even an Everyday Q&A in regards to Acts 2:42-47.  Guess that is my scripture for now.  We'll see how things progress as I dive into this.

So where can you dive into this bible? 

You can get it on Amazon here.
Here is the publisher's site.
Connect with them on Twitter here.
Conntct with them on Facebook here.
Read other reviews here.

I received a free copy of this book/Ebook/Product to review. I was not required to write a positive review nor was I compensated in any other way. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the FTC Regulations. I am part of The CWA Review Crew.

How or What? {Into the Word Wednesday}

I may not have disclosed this ... I am in the middle of my first ever group Bible study.  To say I am enjoying it would be an understatement.  These ladies and this study are stretching me ... and it they are the first group of ladies that I don't feel like they are millions of miles ahead of me when it comes to our walks. I feel like we have such a good mix.  I know a few of you are stalking by, so I say HI!

We are studying Esther with Beth Moore.  If your church offers Beth Moore studies I would suggest checking one out.

Last week we are watching the video portion of the study and it was a bit of a literary lesson, but it was still good.  Then Beth says the 7th scenario ... "It's Tough being a woman who feels responsible for the how."  She goes into what she means by this and says "God is bring the how, you do the what."  I was meditating on that and she said something (which I heard at the time) and followed it up with, "Girlfriend you need to fire yourself!"  I bust out with a verbal AMEN!

This was so freeing! Just do what God wants you to do.  Just do the what... no matter how much you try to work out the HOW the HOW will come in GOD'S time and GOD'S time only!

Well than last night there was more about this same scenario.  Now she is giving us thing to turn around these scenarios.  Things like ... when we are worrying about the how we are not trusting God. So then remember:

"The Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgement" 2 Peter 2:9

"For He knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:14

God is giving more and more all the time.  Recently he gave me something to hold on to and how to let it go {which I used just today}.  Now I have scripture to remind me THE LORD KNOWS HOW!

I am linking up with Into the Word Wednesday.

Clear as Mud

I have been asked by Kelly over at Exceptionalistic to join Into the Word Wednesday a time or two.  I have read her posts and I think about it.  Then a whole bunch of enemy self-talk {you know the stuff I am talking about - the you don't know this, or the you are not good enough thats} starts playing on the tape recorder in my head.

Kelly mentioned how we went to a talk on Fear from Restoring Lives International.  And I am not going to tell you her story, you have to go read it.  {But I will link it to make it easy for you.}  I am super happy that she got exactly what she needed.  Well, then there is me.

I have been so muddled ever since I left!  And I thought I was doing pretty good until I went in!  My brain is so full and heavy, nothing was clearing it out.  It was a horrible week when it comes to basically everything.  I felt so unfocused and just heavy.  Mentally I had that anvil that Wile E Coyote is always trying to drop on the road runner on my mind, no it was on my soul.  Nothing I did would lift it.

I talked to Keith a few times.  I walked, and walked, and walked {at the gym}.  I praised God.  I worshiped God - while walking.  You should have seen me.  There I am walking the track hands up in the air surrendering to my Savior.  Praying that He would fill me anew.

A few weeks earlier I had attended a different prayer group and felt so different.  I could just not figure out what was going on.

Until Sunday.  At the end of our pastor's teaching he asked us to close our eyes and visualize what we have a death grip on and to close our hands around it.  It wasn't hard for me.  I had been thinking about it for probably 4 weeks now.  As our pastor and we sang part of a song we were supposed to open our hands and let that go to Jesus.

So I sat there ... really wondering what Keith was thinking about .. was he going to do it ... what is he going to think of me, because I know he is sitting there with his eyes open.  {We are at two very different points in our walks, and that is okay.}  Then I gave in.  I focused on what we were supposed to be doing.  I knew it would somehow free me.  I sat there my fists clenched so tight, literally as much as I have been holding on to this thing.  This FEAR.  My eyes were closed so tight and I am hearing.

We lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus
And we cry holy, holy, holy is the lamb

We are told to let go {open our hands} when we sing it again.

I am sitting there hands open and with every word they open further and further.  Then I see this white light coming from the top right.  {my eyes are squeezed tight shut} It's bright.  It's what you expect the light of heaven to be - brighter than sunlight - It's strong, but it's flashing each time I sing holy it's shining bright.  HOLY!  God is here with me.  Holy! God will take this.  Holy!  God loves me enough to carry me through this.  Holy!  It's God's burden now.  Holy! Holy! Holy! Then I realize, this might be one of those I need to walk about because it needs to stay gone and cannot be passed on.

We are done and I don't want to open my eyes.  But I do.  We leave to get the kids and Keith asks me what it was.  I couldn't speak without tears flooding my eyes.  I told him.  But now I have something tangible.  I have another weapon.  When the enemy is using this against me, let's be honest he is going to try, I can make a fist around it.  And speak a promise like, "God loves me and we are walking this out together.  God will never leave me or forsake me.  I have already won."  Open my hand and let it go up to Him.

What I realized is this ... I needed the bits and pieces of the last 4 weeks to come together the way they did or Sunday would have made no sense, and wouldn't have worked to free my soul.